Dumbest Post Eva

We used to think that  this guy was so cute back in the 90s.   It’s Beiron Andersson, and he was a Guess? Model.

I remember in like, my junior year, sitting on a grassy knoll with my friends and perusing VOGUE and seeing his guess ads with Anna Nicole Smith , and one of us was like:  “He’s really cute!”  

We all agreed.

In retrospect, he looks cheesy and overtly buff.   But in my sixteen-year-old voraciously lustful eyes, he was the hotness.

Beiron probably looks like old, creepy euro trash today, but that hardly matters.   He was hot when it mattered.

OMIGOD:    Why am I scouring the web for Beiron Anderson pictures when I have mountains of  studying to do?   I think I may have extensive mental problems.

Hark!  NSFW warning!   You can see some oui oui in one of the following photos. 

 

To The Skank On Ebay Who Outbid Me @ The Last Minute

I sincerely hope you get tons of paper cuts on all them books. 

JK!

Gun Crazy Was A Great Film

Audrey Totter... as A. Fromsett in The Lady in the Lake

I’ve never bought so much crap in my life.  The past few weeks I’ve been stalking ebay, Amazon, and Powell’s Books in my attempt to recover the glories of my youth through the purchasing of books and dvds.

I am now the (not-so) proud owner of the first two seasons of Wonder Woman [I thought Lynda Carter was just sooooo beautiful.  I also loved it when she twirled around and transformed herself into her super-heroic self with the aid of music].

I am also now the proud (very proud) owner of Sweet Valley Twins books #1-39 and also 3 “Super Editions”.   These are seriously the 80s versions with the awesome 80s covers.  

I am also slowly but surely, finally building up my Nancy Drew Mystery collection.   Because Nancy Drew is cool beans, was cool beans, and will always be cool beans.   To prove this, I will probably start posting recaps ( and you know that you’re dying to read them).

I’ve also got two Film Noir collections.   Awesome.  So far I’ve seen The Border Incident (which is awesome and about the criminal activity associated with illegal immigration on both sides of the border), Gun Crazy (a seriously glorious film!   I can’t believe I haven’t seen it until now.   It’s about two hobags that are crazy for guns!  Sorry. ), Out of the Past (which was very good.  There was a hot guy in there, too… and his name’s not Robert Mitchum (who I will state here, again, had a weird phucking head) , and The Lady in the Lake  (Audrey Totter made that film the hotness).

If any of you ever want to watch these, I can totally let you borrow themz.

Gun Crazy. The Killuhs Trying to look normalz.

I also saw picked up Destry Rides Again with Jimmy Stewart and Marlene Dietrich.    I remember I once started watching this when I was in high school and it was on AMC (back when AMC used to be cool and NOT run phucking commercials),  but I had to go somewhere and never finished it.   I finally finished it and it was more awesome than I eevr dreamed it could be.

In a nutshell, the movie is about a corrupt little town that seeks to preserve it’s corruptivity by appointing a drunk to be sheriff after the post is conveniently vacated by the previous sheriff.  

The drunk sheriff knows he’s a joke, and thus tries to have the last laugh by appointing a deputy sheriff (Jimmy Stewart) who has the reputation of being a hardcore law-keeping gangster.   

Not so much, really, as it turns out.   That was his daddy with the hot reputation.   This deputy guy is actually anti-violence and anti-gun.   The corrupt townspeople  subsequently first witness the new dainty deputy  man holding a woman’s parasol whilst alighting from a coach in the town square or something, much to the chagrin of the sheriff,  they have a lot of fun with that.

Gradually, the deputy sheriff proves his authority and gains the respect if the corrupt townspeople through his logic and wisdom.  

I suck at recapping movies and at writing in general when it’s long-past midnight.  

The dialogue is cool in the movie, though.   My favorite bit has to be the exchange between the deputy sheriff and the town badass.   The deputy sheriff has a theory about the disappearance of the former sheriff that involves murder, and he presents this theory to the town badass (who he sort of feels is behind it) in a cute sort of way: 

Deputy:   (I’m totally paraphrasing)  So I wonder what happened to sheriff what’s-his-face?

Town Badass:   I told you he left town.

Deputy:   He left something behind.

Town Badass:  Yeah?   Like what?

Deputy:  His body.

God Bless Old Movies.

Perpetually Seeking A Somewhere Else

I really ought to stay away from astrocenter.com.

The latest dispatch concerning my “Life Path Essence”:

You are perpetually seeking a somewhere else, a new philosophical avenue where independence rules.  [Yes.] This leads you to be highly social. [Sometimes, I guess] You seek and visulize life with a great deal of amplitude and want to increaase your knowledge, contact with others, sense of humanity and generosity. [Yeah, sure.] 

Your life is ruled by a certain amount of optimism coupled with profound respect for rules and conventions:  you are a very good arbitrator when conflicts arise!   Your faculty for oral expression is high and often in service to an ideal.  [Thanks, Astro bytch! ]

The negative aspects of this vibration are that you can have too much pride, vanity, ideas of greatness, an excessive taste for order or, on the contrary, a great desire for independence that can be destructive (suicidal tendencies).  You have an excessive nature with no sense of moderation in many areas.   [Don't read this part!]

Forming a couple or family will not be easy for you, far from it:  many divorced couples have this essence…. [No!  ] 

Finally, you have an aptitude for social and physical sciences.  [I know, huh?!]

Clash Of The Titans Is The Best Film Ever Made

I think that’s all I wanted to say.

Oh, and I hate Orlando Bloom.  He is dead to me.

Oh, and my sister has the most annoying friends in the history of the universe…  

Oh, and I want to fall into a river and drown.  Or disappear into a storybook or something.

I Suck At Phriendship

My bestest friend in the whole world was a girl named R—–a.  She was German, and she and her family lived in Oakland.  We met at church.  She was white (I think she still is)  and I was black (I think I still am). We were closer than sisters for almost ten years.  Then at some point in the 90s she got weird, stole my sister’s Guess?  jeans, and we fell out for a year.  We loved each other far too much to let a pair of lame designer jeans get between us. 

Time passed, we lost touch.   Actually, she found out about boys and pharamaceuticals and teenage pregnancy.  Our worlds were very different.  Yeah, so we lost touch.

Anyway, several years ago she called me out of the blue (only I wasn’t home; my brother took the call) and invited me to her wedding.  ?!   I was all set to go but it was in the boondocks, it was raining hard that day, and I was in a pissy mood so I didn’t go.  I will always wonder why the hell I did that.  If things were reversed, I’d be sad if she didn’t come to my wedding.    

I think I miss her right now for some reason.  I’d look her up on MySpace or something but I forgot what her married name is, so I can’t do that.  Also, I suspect she could easily look me up if she wanted to.  I don’t think she wants too!  I hope she’s well.    Our worlds are very different.

… why is this on my mind right now… ?

P.S.  Whoever typed “Phree Phuck” into google search and arrived at this blog:  You need to seek (phree) psychiatric help immediately.   

Things I Love (Part 2)

Opportunists.

Liars. 

Real-Life Tragedies (they are sooo cool).

Racists.

Bigots.

Ignoramuses.

False Enthusiasm.

Bad Sess.

Lack of phunds.

Waiting for rejection letters.

Fickle Friends. 

Hangnails.

Bad hair days.

Human sponges.

Republicans.

Wild Mood Swings.

Asshat boyphriends.

“F”

Dingoes.

Being taken advantage of.

God (for taking my little brother away).

Spiritual Emptiness.

PHake coke (soda).

Almost losing my balance when that hot dude smiled at me.

Any Bloody Day Now

I LIKE BOZWHORE'S BOOTS. !

… I will know if I got into that one school.   They were supposed to get back to me on Friday, and they failed to do so.  There’s only so much suspense my fragile equilibrium can take.  What with the financial crises that sit before us and Orlando Bloom’s unwillingness to unbound the dingo, waiting for these tools to dictate the path of my LIFE is threatening to unravel my stability.

I have to go punch a clock today and that is also pretty upsetting.  Oh well!  More bank in my pocket.

I’m doing that NaNoWriMo thingy next month.   I wonder why, though, since I don’t really have any excess time.  We’ll see what happens.  If you’re doing this shiz too, feel free to buddy up with me.  My name is Philocomasium_Gleebottom.   I don’t even know what I’m going to write about yet, perhaps I can think about it at work this afternoon.  Or maybe not!  I’m supposed to be working on a project with Daners! 

Oh, and I’ve been searching for boots for the past ephing month.   They’re either $400 or $40.  I’m willing to hit the median there, except NO AWESOME BOOTS EXIST IN THE $200 range.  Trust!  I found a pair last year by Born, and they are wonderful, but sort of skirt boots moreso than pant boots, and I want the kind you can tuck into your pants or atleast leave a gap between your skin and the boots when you’re wearing something shorter because I think it’s more flattering to my leg shape.   

Okay, toodles!  Hope you all have a splendid weekend!