The Cover: Lame. There is Nancy and there is the (mysterious) letter.
What Happened: Do I even have to review this stupid GD book? Who the hell approved this boring piece of trash? I’m being harsh, maybe. Still, it was boring! I could have been shopping instead of reading this. Or scouring Ben Barnes messboards or something. I’m still quite angry that I sat down and read this.
The story opens with some old, fragile letter-carrier practically dying out there in the elements as he struggles to finish his route. It’s blustery and cold! Nancy, headed home in her convertible (I assume that the top was up) with Bess and George sees him (his name’s Ira), and offers to give him a ride.
He tells her “no thank you,” because he still has a shit load of houses to deliver mail to. He even has one for her that came airmail from bloody England! She’s quite excited at the prospect of getting mail from England. She orders him to come inside when he eventually finds himself delivering the letter to the large, brick house she shares with her father, the lawyer named Carson Drew and housekeeper, Hannah Gruen because she’ll have some hot cocoa waiting for him.
When she gets home with Bess and George, she forces Hannah Gruen to make the hot cocoa. I sort of hate her for that. She’s too good to make hot cocoa herself or something, has to get the maid to do it.
Ira comes to the house, and immediately, she and Ira are propelled headlong into a universe of anguish when they discover that someone has stolen Ira’s mailbag whilst they were all in the other room pouring cocoa down their throats. Ira is in the depths of despair. “Only six weeks more to retirement and now this disgrace!” he wails. It’s against the law for letter-carriers to part with their bags. So Ira phucked up when he left his back in the other room. He also phucked up by stepping foot into the Drew household, because that’s against the law too.
Nancy races outside to catch the thief. She doesn’t see anybody, but the little neighbor boy is pretty helpful. He gives an accurate description of the man and his ugly, beat-up old car. When she relays the description of the thief to Ira he freaks out and passes out.
In the next chapter we discover that the thief is probably Ira’s half-brother, Edgar, who had been harassing Ira for years due to the fact that he was left out of some inheritance.
Nancy’s letter from England and a letter for her father are in the stolen bag. The letter for Nancy (which she tries to trace), is actually intended for a woman of the same name who has English relatives. They left her a fat inheritance and that was what the letter was about.
Now due to the fact that Ira’s evil half-brother is the thief, he also has this information about the English Nancy Drew. This of course leads him to pursue the English Nancy Drew with the intent to sweep her off her feet, marry her, and get her to England where she will discover that she’s come into money. Nancy finds out about Edgar’s scheming (it’s what she does; finds out things that bad people don’t want her to find out about!), and the whole book is thus dedicated to tracking down the correct Nancy Drew and preventing her from marrying this dirty, rotten scoundrel.
It was boring as hell.
The only bright spot was the two or three times some hag named Mrs. Skeets appeared. She is pissed because a letter from her sister containing $10 dollars was stolen along with the other letters at Nancy’s house. She blames Nancy for this and demands that Nancy compensate her for her loss. She is described as being “poorly dressed in a worn-looking coat” and having “stringy, bleached hair”. When she first meets Nancy, she tries to punch her.
Rating: 2 Flashlights: (one has a dead battery, though!)
Optional Porn-Phriendly Title: Nancy’s Mystery Ass Letter
** I forgot to post this like three months ago….**
